Thursday, February 12, 2009

Love Is In The Air....Wait That's Not Love!!

I have to say, I'm sorry about this..because I thought I posted this sooner, and it never went up.

Yay Technical Difficulties!!!

So ignore the fact that this is a little late and just enjoy my fun Valentine rules.....

So in the spirit of love, Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!

For all of you who have a loved one, make sure to get him or her something nice, and spend time with one another.

And Yes,

I'm sorry for all the single people reading this post.

Being single on Valentine's Day is like being Jewish on Christmas.

But that's okay, we're all here for you....

unless of course we're with our loved ones...

and then you're alone

As I usually do with's time to lay down some ground rules.

  • -First of all, matter what you think of your girlfriend...deep down she is just as sappy as the rest of them. So there is no need to go crazy with spending money. A simple dinner will do just fine, some flowers, maybe chocolates.

For God Sake...even a picture of two stick figures holding hands that you scribbled on the back of your homework will give her that lovey dovey feeling she's been wanting.

  • -WOMEN, The above does not apply. You must get your man large, expensive gifts for Valentine's Day............Just Kidding
I actually don't have any real help for women, because men are much harder to please.
Just always remember:


If you happen to be single on Valentine's Day....there is something you should do.


You must close and bolt your door!!!
Close your window shades!!!
Unplug your phone for heaven's sake!!!

You can't risk having any of the love that's in the air seeping into your home and throwing you into a
dark depression

(Actually the healthy thing to do would probably be to hang out with a bunch of other friends who are single and play games or go to the movies...but where's the drama in that??)

And then of course there is the odd class of individual...THE PARENT

For some reason parents think this:

Valentine's Day=Mother's Day

....Not the case

Yes mom and dad, your children love you...
Yes they want to spend time with you (sometimes)
But assuming that you take the place of someone's girlfriend or boyfriend on Valentine's Day...

This is a lie

And that about does it for Valentine's Day.

So just remember:

Touchy Feely, Food, hugs and kisses, condoms, loved ones (not parents), and couples

Subliminal Messaging SUPPOSEDLY works.

Talk to ya later!!


Anonymous said...

i don't know why i JUST read this. but seriously jeff....

being jewish on christmas is AWESOME

and my single valentine's day was equally lovely in NYC. there.