Love Is In The Air....Wait That's Not Love!!

I have to say, I'm sorry about this..because I thought I posted this sooner, and it never went up.

Yay Technical Difficulties!!!

So ignore the fact that this is a little late and just enjoy my fun Valentine rules.....

So in the spirit of love, Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!!!!

For all of you who have a loved one, make sure to get him or her something nice, and spend time with one another.

And Yes,

I'm sorry for all the single people reading this post.

Being single on Valentine's Day is like being Jewish on Christmas.

But that's okay, we're all here for you....

unless of course we're with our loved ones...

and then you're alone

As I usually do with holidays...it's time to lay down some ground rules.

• -First of all, MEN....no matter what you think of your girlfriend...deep down she is just as sappy as the rest of them. So there is no need to go crazy with spending money. A simple dinner will do just fine, some flowers, maybe chocolates.

For God Sake...even a picture of two stick figures holding hands that you scribbled on the back of your homework will give her that lovey dovey feeling she's been wanting.

• -WOMEN, The above does not apply. You must get your man large, expensive gifts for Valentine's Day............Just Kidding

I actually don't have any real help for women, because men are much harder to please.
Just always remember:

Food=Happiness

If you happen to be single on Valentine's Day....there is something you should do.

STAY INSIDE!!!!!!

You must close and bolt your door!!!

Close your window shades!!!

Unplug your phone for heaven's sake!!!

You can't risk having any of the love that's in the air seeping into your home and throwing you into a

deep,
dark depression

(Actually the healthy thing to do would probably be to hang out with a bunch of other friends who are single and play games or go to the movies...but where's the drama in that??)

And then of course there is the odd class of individual...THE PARENT

For some reason parents think this:

Valentine's Day=Mother's Day

....Not the case

Yes mom and dad, your children love you...
Yes they want to spend time with you (sometimes)
But assuming that you take the place of someone's girlfriend or boyfriend on Valentine's Day...

This is a lie

And that about does it for Valentine's Day.

So just remember:

Touchy Feely, Food, hugs and kisses, condoms, loved ones (not parents), and couples

Subliminal Messaging SUPPOSEDLY works.

Talk to ya later!!

Grammyfication

So I had the joy of watching:

The 51st Grammy Awards

For those of you who watched the Grammys...you know that it was actually pretty well done,

(Considering what today's music COULD do to a perfectly good awards ceremony.)

If you didn't see it...I'm NOT going to try and fit a 3 hour compilation of music into a blog.

It's your fault you didn't watch it, and go ask someone you know about the specifics.

HOWEVER.....

In light of the Grammys I have decided to bring up something that many music venues have completely forgotten forgotten forgotten ...and something many people seem to be confused about.

This is called:

-TALENT-

As a singer myself I have to say...
singing isn't all it's cracked up to be.

People talk about how much effort it takes,

• The Training!
  
• The Unbelievable Practice Involved!!

The Truth Is...

You're either born with it...or you're not

Nobody was ever born completely tone deaf,
And then suddenly went into training
And came out singing Aida!!!
AMAZING!!!

It doesn't happen...even if we would all like to think it does.

So now that we've established the fact that most singers don't deserve all the praise they get because it is luck of the draw on their part...

What counts as talent?

INSTRUMENTS:

I think that it's safe to say that most instrumentalists are more talented than singers.

A person can be born with the ability to sing...

Google 4 year old singers, there are plenty of them...

But nobody is born with the ability to rock out on the piano or shred on the guitar,

(Not counting a rare child prodigy).

Instrumentalists take:

• Constant practice,
  
• Build up of finger or lip muscles,
  
• Music Reading
  

So when you watch something such as the Grammys, and the famous singer has a back-up trumpeter or pianist... It is safe to say that back-up instrumentalist is usually more "talented" than the singer.

SINGING:

When it comes to music there are an infinite amount of styles:

• rap,
  
• hip hop,
  
• pop,
  
• classical,
  
• jazz,
  
• etc..

So which style takes more talent?

The Answer:
It depends on the artist

If there is a male pop singer with the range of a soprano and can do more runs than RoadRunner....then that is not natural...He's talented

If there is a rapper who has the ability to rhyme his or her sentences better than Dr. Seuss ever could..and still appeal to teenagers....

You might not like the sound of the music, but they're talented.

If someone can do it on American Idol...then the singer isn't as talented as you think they are.



So when looking at these guidelines for talent, it's safe to say that you can look at the Grammys with new eyes.

The music industry of 2009 really isn't that talented.

Yes, there are a few good singers here and there...but overall if you go see an artist of today live, you're disappointed..

Why???

Because in today's age singers voices are altered with technology,

Instruments are replaced with sound machines,

and TALENT is overall missing.

----Maybe one day the world will wake up and suddenly realize that most of these singers we idolize are not that much better than you or me...they simply got lucky at a certain point in their life.

....But I highly doubt THAT will ever happen.

Talk to ya Later!

SuperBowl Sunday

IT'S HERE!!!!!

OMG DAIRY QUEEN BARBEQUE!!!

.....That doesn't even make sense

So it's Superbowl Sunday and people are going wild.

No....not as wild as usual because there is one minor difference...

THE PATRIOTS AREN'T IN IT!!!!!!

For all of you who are not Patriot's fans, I am sorry that you had to be subjected to that kind of abuse. But I go to a state college in Massachusetts.....making 95% of the population here Patriot's fans.

However

That is not to say that

• people aren't excited,
• food isn't being gathered, and
• Superbowl showings aren't being held around the campus

.....Because they are

I myself am not THAT excited about Superbowl Sunday...mainly because I'm not a fan of either of the teams. So I'll be cheering on for a different reason....

THE COMMERCIALS

....How sad does that sound??

Now it is safe to say that the Superbowl commercials have gotten worse and worse

- To the point that there is usually only 1 or 2 really good commercials.

But Hey.

I can enjoy them if I want to.

Especially since Halftime Shows have begun to get so bad that I actually bring extra spoons to the Superbowl viewing so that when the half time show comes on....

I can beginning ripping out my eardrums.

For those of you who don't know...there are a few MAN rules about the Superbowl that must be abided by. If these generalities are not followed, then horrible consequences may occur.

Because I am such a kind and loving individual, I've decided to make up a list of some of these "formalities" that need to be followed.

#1: Nobody should ever enter a viewing of the Superbowl without a bowl of something that contains extreme amounts of either fat, cheese, or dipping sauce. And don't forget that this has to be brought in the proper serving.....Meaning it must be more food than anyone could ever eat in a lifetime.

#2: An individual who has no knowledge of the game, teams, or etiquette will need to sit in the back of the room. Other than during the commercials, this person HAS to stay quiet during the entire event...mainly for risk of being punched by the people who know what they are doing.

#3: If you even think of crossing in front of the TV during the game, you should expect to yelled at along with being pelted by any food items that are around the current vicinity. That's non-negotiable.

#4: Snack runs are important because if the group runs out of snacks during an important part of the game...this can be devestating. Therefore snack runs are done by the people who know the game THE LEAST. Basically, if you don't know what a cover two defense is...I hope you can serve a great taco.

#5: Nobody leaves early............NOBODY



Of course there are many more rules, but I'll let the people who do not know them figure those out for themselves. And if you have any fun ones, you can always leave them in a comment.

So remember...Stay safe and have fun.

I don't want to see any of you running through the streets naked or jumping up and down on an overturned car.

Talk to ya Later!

Stimulus Plan...Not That Stimulating

Now I know for a fact that there are a lot of you out there yelling at me right now. Saying things like:

"You're not supposed to talk about anything serious"

"Don't remind us of how bad things are right now!"

"Aaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh"

I hate to break it to you....but being in college means the economy effects my life too, so I can't COMPLETELY ignore the fact that our country is in the crapper.

And besides, it's not like I'm boring. If I can be interesting enough to get a few people to read about important issues today, then

Kudos
to
me.

I'm sure many of you have heard about Obama's idea.

It's NEW

It's AWESOME

It's THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS

IT'S...........

OBAMA'S STIMULUS PLAN!!!! (Fanfare can be heard playing)

If you haven't heard of this, well then you should probably turn on the TV....or just check your empty wallet.

That echo you hear as you yell into your piggy bank? That's the sound of CHANGE

I'm a big Obama supporter, I'm a liberal all the way. But I am not a Change Zombie who follows him around repeating the phrase "Yesss weee caaannn...Yessss weee caaannn".

Lightbulb!!

Just because it's Obama's plan, doesn't mean it's going to work. Crazy Right??

Basically Obama is trying to get the economy pumping by pushing this 825 Billion Dollar Project.

- (Born from FDR's idea in the Great Depression)

Now 275 Billion Dollars is going to be passed out in the form of..........

TAX CUTS!!!!!

YAAAYYY!!!! .....too bad it won't work

The idea is to get people buying stuff so that companies don't go belly up, and people don't lose their jobs. The only problem is that people are going to use this money to pay things like bills and loans...and not TVs and Cars...which is what needs to happen.

So that plan goes down the tubes.

BUT WAIT!!!!!

What about the other money??

Well that's going on big infrastructure projects...we're talking the fixing of

• Buildings,
• Roadways, and
• A bunch of other stuff.

The idea behind this is that all of this will create new jobs for people and places to spend money.

Here's the kicker.

This will create some great jobs for ALL the people who know how to operate jackhammers and mix cement.

Awwwwww......Too bad that the other 99% of the population who aren't welders are going to be left out.

And if people think it's going to cover anywhere near the 3 million jobs that were lost in the past year...they're lying to themselves. Good Job America.

It's the biggest government spending project in "The History of the World!!"

.....and it's a joke

At some point these trillions of dollars are going to have to be paid back...so hang on to your wallet, because it's probably going to take a generation to do it. And for those of you who need that explained to you.......that's you.

You see....it's critical that Obama's plan be focused more on the root of the problems. This is

housing market,

consumer buying,

and jobs.

And instead of coming up with a good plan, he was rushed into a quick decision to try and show America that he's going to Instill Change.

So he did what any politician would do....he took more money than anyone could afford and shoved it into a plan that won't work.

Now I am not a "glass is half empty" kind of guy...I know full well that we have many more years with Obama...and who knows, maybe he'll surprise us all.

All I'm saying is we're not off to a very good start.

We thought the problem couldn't get worse after Bush was gone.....

TADA!!!!

Next time I'll probably be funnier...don't you worry


Talk to ya later!

Some Catching Up to Do...

Hi Everyone!

So I've bet you've noticed that it's been quite a while sinced the last time I wrote anything.

It's not because I don't love you...our relationship is still something you should cherish.

All this does is teach us a very valuable lesson.......

College Kids Are Lazy

Some of you are probably going,

"No, you've gone too far...the children of todays generation are eager individuals who want nothing more than to apply themselves and propel towards the future!"

I'm not saying that it is False...I'm just saying it's not TRUE.

This is a veeeery important thing,
mainly for
parents



It's amazing how many moms and dads of college students sit by the silent telephone and picture their kids saying things like...

"MUAHAHA, I think today I won't call my parents..Let's see how they like THAT!!"

But this isn't the case at all.

What parents need to learn, is that when kids go off to college they suddenly develop what can best be described as a mild case of Alzheimers.

Except unlike the real disease, this one only partains to the word:

RESPONSIBILITY

You ask a college student what time Dominos stops delivering or what time the shuttle goes to Wal-Mart and you get an instant answer.

But even mention the words:

• "Financial Aid",
• "Mandatory Floor Meeting",
• "Call Mom and Dad"

...and suddenly we're all experiencing momentary blackouts.

We're not out to get anybody...Just thinking for ourselves like the teenagers we are

So ya...I took some Bliss time

Saw the sunlight for a change

Got to know some people

Maybe made a few friends

Sang a few songs

Sacrificed a few middle-schoolers

That last part wasn't actually true, I was just seeing if you were paying attention

But I'm back!!!!

And a lot has happened since then...so I guess I'll get started!

Happy Holidays...Kinda

Well,

It's the last week before Christmas Vacation...also known as FINALS WEEK.

This is a time of

horror

squalor

and where the ability to torture innocent students is given to professors everywhere.

For those of you in college ( High School counts to some degree, but you really have no idea until you come here)...there are some things you should know about having a sane Finals Week experience.

• First of All, do not pull all nighters. This is something I tried, regretted, and am now passing the knowledge on to you.

-It is a proven fact that even just 3 hours of sleep will take what you learned that night, and put it into your "deep memory" while you sleep-

If you stay up all night, then your mind never gets that chance.

Plus, slaving over a calculus book at 4 in the morning while throwing back Red Bulls can't be good for you in the end

• Also, make sure to study hard BEFORE the Finals. More and more do I see kids trying to Sparknote "Othello" by Shakespeare, 2 hours before the final! Valiant as this is, you probably aren't going to pass the test with flying colors. Instead, try taking a stab at looking at the play a week before the final

This way if you fail it's because you aren't very smart, and not because you didn't try :)

Now I know for a fact that there are...

dun..dun...dunnnn....

ADULTS!!!!

And you adults read this blog. And you're probably saying to yourself, "Well thank God I'm not in college anymore."

WRONG WRONG WRONG

These rules apply to you too!!!

If you are guzzling down Monsters while pulling an all nighter on a report due to your boss in 4 hours....Then you're no better than an 18 year old.


IN OTHER NEWS...(Notice how I sounded like a reporter there..though I may be the craziest reporter you've ever seen)

Christmastime is only a matter of days away..and there are some of you who have yet to buy your Christmas presents.

The only excuse for this is if you're Jewish!!

There are insane mothers out at 3 a.m. on Black Friday buying out Wal-Mart...how do you expect to beat these people if you're still parked on your couch watching The Year Without a Santa Clause, and drinking Egg Nog like it's your job??

Get off your couch

.... and go get something for people you love, even if it's gum from the conveniant store down the street. Because we all know you'll feel like crap if they get you some great christmas present, and your only excuse is:

" uhhh...there were some great Christmas specials this year."


So I'll be heading home soon, and I'll probably do a couple blogs from there, because I'm not coming back until the middle of January...and I KNOW how you can't live without me.

Until then..

Talk to ya later!

A Holiday Minute

Well I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Now obviously I didn't have any posts coming over vacation, but that would have been ironic if Iblogged "From The Dorm Room" from my house.

....Soooo, I'm back in my dorm room and I KNOW I had a great Thanksgiving. And there is something interesting that happens when you come back to college after a vacation..........

Your GLAD to be back!!

Now this is completely different from High School, where children DREADED the day when you had to go back to your teachers and back to your classes, But College isn't like High School, and therefore something different happens.


There are a couple reasons for this:

- First of All, college is not just about the classes. (Though parents would like to think it is)...There is the fact that you are living on your own, there are friends, places to go, and something interesting is always happening. EVEN if all you do is sit in a lounge and talk with a group of kids....there's something that makes it more fun than doing something like that back home.

- You're doing what you want. Classes are no longer all the random crap that you'll never use in life, instead you've chosen EXACTLY what you are going to take, and even enjoy doing it (though we might not always admit it). Going to class is no longer an all day event...a student might have 2 or 3 classes a day, and do fun stuff in-between each one.

- Kids enjoy being ON THEIR OWN!!! Now this is NOT to say that we don't like going home, because that would crush a lot of parents' hearts, it's just...we like VISITING home, our parents and friends, however we've now been exposed to living by our own rules and like the feeling. So going home is NICE, but students will find themselves happy to be going back to college in the end.

Now there is one other item on the agenda before I let you go....and that's CHRISTMASSS!!!!

Now if you're in a dorm room like I am..then I have some rules that you should really follow if you want to give everyone a nice early college christmas, and still stay sane yourself.

First of All...

DON'T BUY EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW IN COLLEGE GIFTS!!!!!!

This is a big no no. If you take your campus shuttle to Wal-Mart and buy every person on your floor and their brother a christmas present, you'll have found yourself spending $500 before you can say woops.

So keep it to these three people:

1. Girlfriend/Boyfriend
2. Roommate
3. Best Friend

Everyone else can get a candy cane or something.

If there are some girls on your floor, get them soap...they'll go wild and it'll cost you 5 bucks.

Some guys?? Food=Happiness

Keep the real gifts for the 3 people I mentioned.

Everyone will feel they got something for christmas from you...and you'll be happier because you've still got some dough in your back pocket.

Happy Holidays!


Talk to ya Later!